1. When you want to watch your favorite flick, you...
A: Dust off the old VHS tapes 'cause you never got into that DVD thing.
B: Go into the living room and turn on the DVD player. (And probably the VCR
too, since it's wired through that.)
C: Pop it into your computer because you invested in that nifty DVD-ROM Drive
D: Pop the burned copy into your DVD player or computer because you don't want
the original copy getting scratched.
E: Mount up an image file because you are a show-offy god with massive hard
drives.
2. The speakers you have hooked up to your computer are...
A: Nothing at all.
B: Nice, happy headphones that you barrowed from a CD player.
C: Those canny-sounding things that came with your computer.
D: An external amp and some beefy tower or bookshelf speakers 'cause you wanted
something that could push more than 5 watts.
E: A surround system with a $100+ sound card to support it.
3. Your monitor is...
A: A 15 inch POS.
B: A 17 inch POS.
C: A Newer 17 or 19 inch.
D: A larger LCD display.
E: Your big screen TV.
4. You rip CD's and record to...
A: Nothing because your stuck with Media Player 2 and a handful of MIDI's.
B: Low bitrate WMA's or MP3's to conserve space.
C: WMA's or MP3's cranked to the highest quality possible.
D: MP4's or Lossless codecs.
E: Raw PCM WAVE or Image files because you're an audiophile, not a conservationist.
5. Your hard drive setup is...
A: It's small and you don't know.
B: Your stock HD.
C: Your stock HD, dual partitioned.
D: Dual hard drives.
E: More than two hard drives.
6. You have _____ plugged into your computer. (excluding speakers and monitor)
A: Keyboard, mouse.
B: Above plus random USB thingy.
C: Above plus an Internet connection faster than dial-up.
D: Your audio / video equipment.
E: Everything except the kitchen sink.
7. You've paid _____ for software.
A: $0 because you just use the bundle you got with the computer.
B: $1 - $100
C: $100 - $500
D: $500+
E: $0 because you are or know a good pirate, but theoretically you've avoided
paying thousands.
8. The location of your computer is…
A: Unplugged and in a box or closet.
B: In a dusty corner.
C: In a back bedroom or musty den or basement.
D: In your entertainment room on a desk.
E: In your entertainment room, in between a TV and speakers or in a pro A/V rack.
9. When entertaining you first…
A: Bust out a board game or play charades.
B: Turn on some easy listening while you get drinks.
C: Show everyone your best games on your PC or console.
D: Crank up your ripped tunes, eat Little Debbie snacks, and drink caffinated beverages.
E: Bust out CD/DVD-R’s, USB hard drives, and Zip disks so you can copy each
other’s “goodies”.
10. Upon venturing behind your entertainment center, you should find…
A: The back of your 13 inch B/W Quasar TV.
B: A few lowly RCA’s and your cat.
C: An electrician’s nightmare.
D: Above, but surge protected.
E: A would-be electrician’s nightmare, except all the cords aren’t tangled, the audio cords
have been quarantined from the power cords, it’s surge protected more than once, and
there is a UPC present.
How To Score:
A’s are worth 1 point.
B’s are worth 2 points.
C’s are worth 3 points.
D’s are worth 4 points.
E’s are worth 5 points.
10 – 20 Points: Not Really A Mediaphile
This test indicates that while you may own a computer, you really don’t tend to use it for much outside of boring things like accounting and word processing, or maybe you are just an IM whore. We have called a government van to take you somewhere that you won’t create a waste on human technology.
20 – 30 Points: Low Bitrate Ipodder
An ignorant breed indeed, you embrace the types of “technologies” that make true mediaphiles laugh – and tend to pay a pretty penny to money-grubbing companies. Sure you can listen to 40hz square waves bumpin’ out of your I-Pod and stock speakers of your VW beetle while you drive to your job at McDonald’s, but only after you’ve paid with $400 and your self-dignity. A government van has been dispatched to send you to a utopia where Mp3-playing hair dryers are sold for $1,000 to help pay for W’s oil war.
30 – 40 Points: A Poser In A Poser’s World
In this MTV world where “jamz” are “all dat” and everyone wants to “pimp their ride” even though I find it hard for a rusty vehicle to fulfill one’s sexual desires, much less get paid for it, you have tried your hardest to stay in the now and mainstream, even with technology, it would suggest. Categories that you might fall into are: fanboy, braggart, dumb case modder, asshole, shitty pirate who charges money, ‘friend’ to he who brought the copies of the Viva-La-Bam DVD’s that night, ect, ect, ect… No government van needed here, this is how America should be!
40 – 50 Points: Obsessed In Every Sense Of The Word
You spent every waking moment perfecting, every last dollar upgrading, every last shred of sanity for the orgasmic pleasures you get when you just sit to watch Akira and disrupt the city’s power grid. You spent hours calibrating and fine-tuning for your Kleenex-and-lotion screening of the FFVII PS3 Tech Demo. When you listen to music, the neighborhood listens, too, for 10,000 watts doesn’t leave them with much of a choice. No one can say where you got the money for this extravagance, but you’ve used it right. You have your local Best-Buy on speed-dial and your discs safely tucked into their cases away from any scratching edges and with back-ups ready. You are the master, the OTAKU, the OMNI, and the mentally disturbed. We would send the van for you as well, but Microsoft’s hit squads would be there first because of your piracy of every single thing they ever had the nerve to charge people for. Ah, futility…