EDIT: I've got it all figured out! here's the script:
CODE
$if($strcmp($left(%artist%,4),The ),$if($strchr(ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ,$cut($right(%artist%,$sub($len(%artist%),4))', 'The,1)),$upper($cut($right(%artist%,$sub($len(%artist%),4))', 'The,1)),'0-9'),$if($strchr(ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ,$cut(%artist%,1)),$upper($cut(%artist%,1)),'0-9'))
It was my first try of the day, and it worked! I'm so relieved now. Thanks to all the helpers, especially foosion.